Caregiving for My Father After Colorectal Cancer Surgery

I wanted to share my experience as a caregiver to my father, who recently had surgery for colorectal cancer and now lives with a stoma and a colostomy bag. It’s been a deeply challenging journey, but also one filled with growth, learning, and unexpected moments of connection.

Before this, I didn’t know much about stomas or ostomy bags. I only knew that it sounded scary—and that my father was coming home from the hospital not just physically weak, but emotionally fragile. The stoma was a big change for him. He was dealing with the trauma of cancer, the fear of recurrence, and now the reality of having part of his intestine rerouted through his abdomen.

Learning About the Stoma Bag

I had to educate myself quickly on how to care for a stoma and use a colostomy bag. Here’s what I’ve learned and dealt with as part of our daily routine:

• Changing the Appliance: We change the bag every few days, depending on output and skin condition. At first, it was difficult—removing the adhesive without hurting his skin, making sure the area was completely clean, and placing the new bag properly. It took practice, but now it’s become part of our routine.

• Emptying the Bag: We empty it multiple times a day. I learned to recognize when it’s about one-third to halfway full. Any more than that, and it risks leakage or discomfort.

• Skin Care: One of the biggest challenges is keeping the skin around the stoma healthy. We use a barrier ring and stoma powder when needed, and I always check for signs of irritation, redness, or bleeding. I’ve also learned how important it is to ensure the opening in the adhesive fits just right—too tight causes damage, too loose causes leaks.

• Dealing with Leaks and Odor: Leaks were a huge fear at first. We had a couple of incidents early on that were upsetting for him. I’ve since learned how to better secure the appliance and avoid foods that increase gas or odor (like eggs, onions, beans, and some dairy).

• Supplies and Storage: Managing ostomy supplies became another part of our life—ordering the right ones, storing them properly, and carrying a small emergency kit whenever we go out.

The Emotional Side

I can’t overstate how hard this has been on my dad emotionally. The stoma made him feel “less than,” embarrassed, and even ashamed at first. He was reluctant to look at it, let alone touch it. I tried to give him space, but also gently encouraged him to take small steps—first watching, then helping, and eventually managing parts of the care himself. Some days he still struggles, and I remind him that he’s strong for enduring all this and surviving cancer.

For me, the emotional weight has been just as heavy. Seeing someone you love deal with this kind of change is heartbreaking. There were times I cried in the bathroom after putting on a brave face. I felt helpless, overwhelmed, and sometimes even frustrated. But I also learned that being present—even just sitting silently beside him during a tough moment—makes a huge difference.

Connecting with Others

Support groups like this one are so important. There’s so much stigma and silence around stomas and ostomy care, even though so many people live with them. If anyone is starting this journey as a caregiver or patient, please know that it does get easier. You develop a routine. You find the products that work best. And you realize that life can still be full, active, and meaningful—even with a stoma.

If anyone has tips or questions about day-to-day stoma care, emotional coping, or managing supplies, I’m happy to share what I’ve learned. I’m still learning too—and hearing your stories helps more than you know.

Thank you for reading.